Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
