The maid of honor just puked.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
