i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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