Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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