I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
