He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
