There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
