Moan for me like Helen Keller
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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