vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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