literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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