Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
