worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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