turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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