I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
