Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
