for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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