i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
