just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
