Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You pole danced in your parka.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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