I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize