I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize