I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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