meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize