Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
