he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This toilet bowl is my home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
