i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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