he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
