she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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