He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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