Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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