The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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