I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
