I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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