i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
