You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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