your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
