i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
