If i come over, it means nothing
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
