Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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