Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
