so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
