it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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