I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
