Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
