I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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