Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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