I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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