i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
