this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A bitchslap is in order.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
