This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
