I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize