No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
