the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
