I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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