dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
