Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
