the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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