Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize