I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
