I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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