She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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