You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize