Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
