You made me cry and you don't even care
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
