You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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