You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
