Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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